When a man is aroused, blood flows through his penis and is trapped which causes an erection. The penis is then inserted into the vagina of the female. After an average of five minutes, sperm is secreated from the penis and the little critters make their way through a long passage into the female uterous. The egg is then fertilized by this sperm which in turn creates life. Now before all this happens and before the magic of birth, there is the magic of love. Now we live in a society where LOVE is a lost ideal. Gone are the days where you write to a woman for years at a time only to see them for five minutes before holding hands in matrimony. We are so far from the ages where romaniticism means flowers and candy. We are overruled by sex and the image. Consumer marketing and development in frivolous technology made it possible so we could let love linger away. I once held it in my grasps but it withered away. It felt like silk, or was it velvet? It smelled of a French fragrence and would overwhelm the senses. Now the only thing I smell is of rotten meat and dying corpses. I stand in front of love's tomb, only to drop pedals of dead roses and then crush it with my feet. I mourn no more for the love I once felt. I am at hate's disposal.
I sent myself to the prison upstairs. I kept myself in a hole with a couple of books by Nietzche and the dreams of nihilism. I watched horror films, films of death and soon, I was the embodiment of a mime who is unwilling to talk of past lives. I cried a single tear which was then tattooed on my left cheek as a reminder but soon I will forget what the meaning of it was. I worked in repetition. The tasks mediocre and the chores were meaningless. I tackled each assignment with the emotion of a zombie. I was a drone, set off to live a life like how I was programmed to live. Then I saw her....
The morning I saw her--------------
She had on a denim skirt with golden brown boots that came up to her knees. She waited a good couple of seconds after the subway stopped to enter the train. I slowly followed her in, making sure I wasn't making myself obvious. I sat right in front of her but tried not to make eye contact. Now I wasn't sure what it was about her that caught my attention but a trigger in my mind had gone off. A memory or an engram maybe that had responded to maybe what she was wearing or the fragrance she had on. Whatever it may have been, it took my interest and fixed it on this woman. My stop had come and I prepared to exit the train when she got up and exited the train as well. I followed her to the furthest extent without allowing myself to fall ridiculously off my course. She went off onto 16th street. I had to go further up. The course of the day seemed excruitiatingly long. All I thought about was the woman I saw on the subway. LOVE and all its ideals were suddenly entering my system once again.
The next morning I forced myself to awake just a little early, so I could possibly wait around long enough to see this woman again. One subway train had stopped and left. I thought to myself, when the second one came, I would take it. There was no point in going totally insane. The bell rung to claim that the train was approaching this station. Part of me was disappointed, another part of me relieved. Relieved that the tragedies of LOVE and all its fallacies wouldn't come and haunt me once again. The train stopped and as I was about to enter, the woman unlike her former calm, collective self, rushed into the subway train just as it was closing its doors. This action on her part further caught my attention. She was a person of many different traits I thought to myself. Not only was she cool and calm, she had the carefreeness of a gypsy who didn't mind not having it all under control. The rest of the day was the same as before. Staring at a computer monitor, pretending to do work when in actuality, I was day dreaming. I couldn't shake the image of this woman off of my mind. She had me confused and I was actually petrified of the thought of diving head first into a mushroom of dust that will strangle me until I am weak and weary. Oh well, I was never the rational type and my emotions always had the best of me in any situation. I never had proper logic nor did I felt the urge to control myself from irrational behavior. I always thought that a man's natural instincts were the only thing he had when he was born into life. That was the only thing that I had left to make my life livable.
My life rewound about three years seemed much like how it was now. I could have sworn it was true love. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT and all the magical happenings of cupid's arrow now only realize that LOVE plays no role in life. It happens in cycles. And I could precisely point out the occurences of what seems to be random events but actually, the strings of points that gather to form life and all its glorious happenings.
Point One, I've always been the passive type, I know a girl that I like, we become friends and we do what friends do but I'm secretly trying to lure her in. Point two occurs when someone that I equally like enters my life but in this case, she's rather interested in me as well. Leaving the person from point one, I enter a relationship with the person from point two. Exactly three years later, the love fizzles out and she wants to leave. I try and hold on telling her things that my father would be ashamed of me for. I cry and weep and tell her how much I love her, but none of that matters. No matter how many times we get back together, the feeling just isn't the same after she tells you for the first time that she wants to leave. Feeling alone and sometimes desperate, I go out and sleep with the first girl to let me into her pants. I fall into a state of trance. I know not who I am. I need time to collect myself, to remember who I was before anyone entered my life. That is the end of POINT THREE. Which brings us into point four, the meeting of the girl from point ONE. Its all a repetitive cycle. Something that I've endured at least three times around.
And here we are again, I would have liked to have that cycle broken but its not under my control. It never was. No matter how I would like to think I have all the power in the world, my fate's already been decided. Nothing is the same and nothing is different. It all happens in a nasty cycle.
No comments:
Post a Comment