Elephant's Trunk

I was robbed this morning. I wanted to yell at the world. Scream out my lungs that a wrong has been done. Take to the streets and hunt down the enemy in charge of possessing my expensive gift for a friend. What was I to do? And then I collected my thoughts and energy into a solution. Or more a less, a resolution. I was going to give my friend, out of my own pocket, the sum cost of the gift. I was going to fix the window of my car tomorrow and I was going to file a police report in the case of any fortune arising where I was able to reclaim my lost. With that being said, I was content. I was going to lose maybe up to a thousand dollars, a large amount for someone like me, but any kind of misfortune hasn't happened to me in quite a while and I was becoming anxious of its arrival. I felt it coming up anytime now. I was waiting and waiting and then it hit me. Now this misfortune isn't something of grand nature, a death, sickness, etc etc but something worth noting in my daily log, which I at this exact moment, tell myself I will be doing every morning.

I have become lazy. And this has been the worst feeling in the world. A feeling of content. An ease, a period of calmness is just the same as nothingness. A feeling I've almost never had. No real financial worries. No personal in terms of relationships. No career worries or frustrations. I've accomplished what I wanted to do this year, I'm sure of that. Now I was just sitting around, feeling good about myself, and find myself with no motivation, no determination, no feeling towards anything but just to sit around and do nothing with myself. I've always been driven toward something. Knowledge, wealth, personal gain, something. It was just a stalemate in my heart. Stillness, REST. And it bore me. IT REALLY BORES ME TO BE STILL. I don't have the patience for it and I acknowledge it. I can change every bit of myself if I wanted to. My personality, my way of expression but for me, it is not necessary anymore. I will do no such thing. I've always wanted the meaning of LIFE. But the meaning was never to be found except it was sitting right in front of me. I was just unable to notice it until I was able to see it from afar. I grabbed onto an elephant's trunk, thinking it was a rope for me to pull on. And it wouldn't give way. It pulled back, so I began to think it was a snake and so I let go. But it attacked me and killed me. Then I was able to float away into the heavens and realize that the snake was actually an ELEPHANT'S TRUNK. I was damned. The trunk of an elephant had taken my life. Now if I knew it was an elephant, I would have never fucked with it. What man in his right mind would fuck with an ELEPHANT. But I'll be damned if I had ever figured it to be an elephant. I thought it was a rope for me to tug on. Now I know. And the realization of everything had come into my thoughts. Now I was content and that is the same as being still. But I have died, so this stillness feels different for me now, than when I was living. So I can withstand this boredom which is not boring what so ever anymore. This boredom in fact, is very interesting to me now. (And this is my second life.)

During my second life, I'm a street thug. I have the same girlfriend, the same parents, but I'm a street thug and I happen to steal something. Something of mine from a former life. Now everything makes sense. I stole this shit, from myself. I am my own thief. That's the only way I can connect myself to the rest of human kind. Otherwise, I would really be lost I thought to myself. So I steal now because I'm a street thug. And because I'm a street thug, I need street credibility. For this I will KILL for. So I take this man's life, which happens to be my own. Now I've died for a second time but the physicalness is only once. Follow? And this is the meaning to the life long question and I just say to myself, "THIS will all end soon, this cycle of repetition." But it doesn't, and hey, I'm happy with that. We will all be alright sooner or later. When we are kids, we are fine with everything. Nothing worries us and we are nothing but balls of innocence. Oblivious to the outside world. We drown in our own sorrows from time to time but we know that, hey! Tomorrow is a new day. Full of opportunities. Chances and ways to be anew. Then we grow old and something happens, but we aren't so sure. So we make rules, regulations, changes, pacts etc etc and then we are fine with everything.